Monday, December 10, 2012

How He Makes Me Feel...







Men are often clueless as to how horrible their actions can make us feel. So this week I'll share portions of a note I wrote to a man I once dated. Ladies, perhaps you can relate...


I know I’m not your focus… She is, he is, your money is, your family is, your friends are, you are. I know that and am reminded of it again and again. I’ve never wanted to be anyone’s sole focus. Just to know that I rank among the other importance's in his life would suffice. 

I am your nothing… or at least that’s what I’ve felt like from time to time. The girl that you’re feeling sometimes, the one you can do without…besides its not like she’s the love of your life, you’ve been there and done that. So she’s cool but she’s your nothing. You see her when you can and sometimes not even then. You refuse to feel too much for her because feelings are not your thing. You give her slithers of yourself and expect that to be enough. Her constant attempts to flee from you and the vagueness of the relationship are of no consequence because she is in no way needed by you. Needing someone is a weakness right? Most of the time she doesn’t even feel wanted, which is what she longs for most. What she adds to your life is not worth holding on to… is not worth erasing the vagueness for…she is your nothing. She holds no real value in your eyes, for if she did it would show in your dealings with her. She gets very little of your time, attention, or sacrifice...after all she is simply your nothing. Whether she exists in your experience or not matters very little because you are familiar with moving on after a loss…she will be replaced, by the next, the next, and the next. She is your nothing who will become nothing more than a fond memory, just a lil lady passing through.

And though I know I’m your nothing I deserve to be a man’s something, not his only something, but an important one nonetheless.
  

Love is Closer Than You Can Imagine...

 
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sadly, I can relate to this entire post and you summed up what I was going through this year before I FINALLY decided it wasn't enough anymore and made the decision to move on. Thanks for sharing.