Wednesday, September 26, 2012

I'm In Love...

I’m in love…but it’s not the kind of love we see on T.V. 
He doesn’t bring me flowers or shower me with gifts. He doesn’t pour his heart out to me on a regular basis. He doesn’t say “I love you” often but when he does I KNOW he means it.

For months I have been fighting this feeling. This is not what I thought love would look like. Isn’t it supposed to induce some grand gesture? Aren’t I supposed to feel elated and have butterflies in my stomach? That’s what society has taught me. He’s not supposed to disappoint me, right?

I don’t know exactly what love is supposed to look or feel like but I’m sure the answer doesn't lie in media/societal portrayals. What I do know is that I derive pleasure from making him smile.  What I do know is that our love is comprised of a mutual respect, passionate discussions, and a strong desire to see each other happy (whether we are together or apart).

Love doesn’t look at all like I thought it would... but I am grateful to have it.

Rest Assured, Your Love Is Closer Than You Think... 

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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Nice Guys Finish Last...


 I watched MTV's Friendzone for the first time yesterday and it got me to thinking... For those of you who haven't watched the show here's a brief synopsis. Here we have a set of best friends who enjoy each others company and get along fabulously. Usually it's a girl and a guy. One of these individuals has a secret crush on the other. For example if it's the guy who has a crush on his best girl-friend he must muster up the courage to tell her and ask her on a date at which point she answers Yes or No.  

In one particular episode there was a sweet, stocky young man who was madly in love with his best friend. At first glance I could tell that she wouldn't be interested in him, the proverbial "nice guy". Because, isn't that the way it works? Throughout our lives we have nice guys or girls who would relish in the opportunity to love & adore us. Yet somehow that person doesn't fit the mold. We're not physically attracted to them, he/she is a bit too nerdy or chunky...the list goes on. I've been blessed with the opportunity to date some REALLY good guys. Each of whom would have made great husbands. But with most of them that "it" factor was missing. You know that thing that makes your heart skip a beat... Yeah, that nonsense.

Anyway, as I watched that young lady turn down her sweet and stocky friend I screamed at the screen (with disgust of course) "Don't do it girl! In about 10 years after having your heart ripped apart by jerks you're gonna wish you'd given that "nice guy" a chance." But it was to no avail, the show had been previously recorded and television is not yet interactive so she couldn't hear me, SMH.  While my disgust grew I realized it wasn't her that it was directed at, it was my younger self. If I just would've stayed with so and so I would be married by now. If I could've loved him back or been physically attracted to that other good guy perhaps I wouldn't be single.

*Sigh* Why is it that we love & pursue those who are indifferent to us and run from those who love & adore us? Is it the challenge? Is it low self worth? Is it that we're idiots? I don't know. What I do know is that nice guys will no longer finish last with me. They are my top choice and have been for some time now.

Rest Assured, Your Love Is Closer Than You Think
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Wednesday, September 12, 2012


I experienced that feeling called love again recently. It completely blindsided me, swooped down, took hold of me and ascended to the heavens. At times it felt so good and frightened me so bad. We can learn a lot from love. It teaches us how to be selfless, how to compromise & how to accept the flaws that we each possess. It teaches more than we know. My recent glimpse of love was a lesson in itself.

It shined a light on my fear of intimacy. For someone who writes weekly about wanting to be in a relationship it’s ridiculous how afraid I am of baring my soul. And isn’t that what love is? Opening up and letting someone see you in your totality. Letting them see the light and the dark that resides within.

A long time ago I noticed that even though people love you they won’t always have your best interests in mind. It was then that I made the conscious decision to guard my heart. It’s no surprise that this defense mechanism has followed me into present day relationships. So now when I feel threatened (in love) I am tempted to run and sometimes do. This my dears is no way to live. Antiquated worries have no place in my present reality. I have come to the realization that love & fear cannot occupy the same space simultaneously. (Defense mechanisms are born of fear.) Therefore it’s time to choose one or the other. I choose love.

Readers, what lesson is love trying to teach you?
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