Saturday, October 8, 2011

Advice by Dream


For as long as I can remember I have been the girl that other girls come to for advice, particularly when it concerns dating and relationships. Why is this?  Simply because I offer non-sugar coated truth, encouragement, prayer, and am well versed in parting ways with anything that does not add VALUE to my life, including men.

Today I open up this blog to my readers. You will be the authors. Please pose questions (in the Comments section) related to dating/relationships and I will offer honest and supportive advice. Feel free to post as anonymous to protect your privacy.


Thanks & I Look Forward to Your Responses!



Join my Not-so-Patiently Waiting FaceBook group to continue the discussion!

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Is it true that when it comes to the game of dating, men first priority is SEX? Is it foolish of me to think that men actually wants more (affection, love, companionship, support, a partner) when it comes to women?

Dream said...

Thanx for the post Anon! This is a mind set that I deal with often as well. I grew up with the notion that all men interested in me were after sex. Is this true? YES! Every man interested in you undoubtedly wants to be intimate with you. Is this all they want? Maybe or Maybe Not.
You really have to pay attention to a man's actions. There are always clues as to whether a man wants all of you or just your body. A man who wants all of you is consistent and cares for you well being. A man who wants sex is normally inconsistent(not caring to see you other then when he's randy). He tells you straight out he's not "ready" for a relationship. Or he begins talking about sex within a week of you meeting one another.

Follow the signs and your intuition honey. You know when a man wants all of you because it feels soooo good.

Just me: A beautiful disaster! said...

I am the one that people come to for advice on ANYTHING, but considering I cannot hold a relationship I wonder why?! LOL It is mainly because I wont settle or compromise who I am. Have fun with this post!!!

Anonymous said...

What about if you trying to take a different approach to dating, and simply want to get to know someone and after about 6 months or so...its a sudden halt. And you want to make the feelings go away and you try every task to avoid contact and it wont work. How do you deal? In my case I feel like I know this is the person for me. Any other scenario as such I would have been done and relaxing my nerves.

Anonymous said...

I could very well relate to you Day regarding the whole "advice for relationships," especially when it comes to my male friends. I decided to stop giving the advice and start living my own recommendation. I am tired of settling and am tired of being alone! What should I do to change my present circumstance???

Dream said...

Thanks Beautiful Disaster! I don't think it's the case of you not being able to hold a relationship. Maybe, it's simply that you haven't met your match yet. Better get ready, he's coming :-)

Dream said...

Anon, in response to your question:
"and after about 6 months or so...its a sudden halt. And you want to make the feelings go away and you try every task to avoid contact and it wont work. How do you deal?"

I've been thru the "Halt" before and let me tell you it can be pretty painful, especially when u really like or love the person. Unfortunately babe you can't make the feelings go away. You have to let them ride, acknowledge them, and then at some point let them go. There is a time to grieve and this is that time.
We all know it makes no sense to push a man when he decides to take a break. My advice to you is to fall back, take the focus off of him and place it on you. Whatever you are passionate about right now, concentrate on that, on you. Yes it will hurt. Yes you will cry. But never lose sight of the beautiful, intelligent woman you are while going thru this. Pray for help letting go.
I am a believer in the idea that if you are supposed to be with someone, it will happen. And you won't have to force it.
I received 2 messages that I feel were meant for you doll. One is a lyric from a classic Beatles song "There will be an answer, let it be" You are probably driving yourself crazy trying to figure out why. STOP!
Also, I watched Joel Osteen's message on The Power of Letting Go & I think it will help immensely. Listen to it as much as you need to at:
http://www.joelosteen.com/Broadcast/Pages/ThisWeeksMessage.aspx

Be encouraged in this tough time that God has your best interest in mind always!

Dream said...

Anon in response to your question: I am tired of settling and am tired of being alone! What should I do to change my present circumstance???

I am tired of it too friend. But what I've noticed is being single provides us with time to work on those behaviors and habits that may be hindering our love lives. Is there anything that you can do to prepare for the amazing person that's coming into your life??? One of the things I am constantly working on is being open with men and not letting this wall I built up out of fear block my blessing. I also am working on finding nice and less threatening ways to communicate. Most men don't take nicely to being cursed out :-)
What is it that you can work on while your spouse is being developed and prepared for you by the creator?
My other suggestion is to ask friends if they know anyone they think may be a good match for you. Thankfully friends know your personality, likes & dislikes and may be able to hook you up with someone great.
Lastly, I have some great single friends so email me at Not.so.Patiently.Waiting@gmail.com if you would like a hook up.

Peace & Blessings Boo!

Nailaa555 said...

Hey Dream!

I find that I have a hard time owning my feminine prowess. Partially because I am not comfortable with my body. It's affecting my relationship. What would you suggest for me?

Nailaa555

Just me: A beautiful disaster! said...

Thanks Dream!! Yeah it gets old not settling.


Anon It's easy not to do when your friends that are settling are not happy you can see what it does to them, but in those times when they are actually happy and ignoring you it makes things rough!!!

Nailaa!I followed your blog today. There are no pics of you, but I'm a big girl and the way I look at this is if he didn't like big girls he wouldn't be with me. I am more confident with my body than a lot of skinny girls I know because I know I don't have a great body, but I know that it's such a turn off to show it and if he didn't like it he wouldn't be there. :) If he doesn't want to be there I don't want him there. GOOD LUCK!!

Dream said...

Hey Nailaa! Most women have body image issues including me. I am sooo petite and am sometimes self conscious about it. One of the things I am learning how to do slowly but surely is embrace who I am. This includes embracing the fact that I do not have hips :-)

If we let them, negative thoughts will overwhelm us. It is absolutely necessary to replace these thoughts with positive ones as soon as we recognize them. So from now on any time you have a negative thought about your body, replace it immediately with a positive one. Matter of fact say the positive thought out loud. And if you can't think of a positive thing to say about your body, look in the mirror & admire yourself until you find something.
Also, try doing things that boost your confidence like wear a cute outfit or get a mani/pedi. I recently forgot how cute I was until I put on a nice outfit, so I know from experience this works, lol.
Lastly, if there is anything you can do to improve the issues you have with your body, get on it, don't delay. In my case I would need plastic surgery to get hips, so I'm screwed. Hope this helps!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the messages on halting a situation but what if this person tries to come back after he establishes himself, and realizes he did not give you the fair chance to like or love him in they way he deserved. Do you take that chance?

Nailaa555 said...

That's really good advice. I am re-wiring the way I think. I need to be more positive.

Scenario: I see a cute guy at Best Buy that I thought was interested but I brushed him off because I did not want to make any false assumptions. But I thought he followed me to the computer section. I kicked myself later for not giving him physical cues that would encourage conversation. But honestly ..I didnt think he could be interested in me. I was in my sweat suit looking at camcorders and totally out of my element.

The issue with the weight is real. Sex is a natural part of a relationship (per my friend). So with that being said..not being comfortable with my body is really an indication of not being comfortable with intimacy. If I were to date without ever having to add that layer then I would feel more secure. But sexulaity is a real thing. I have a male friend that told me that he could not fall for anybody unless sex was in the picture. There is no distinction between friend and romance without sex.

So there is some lag and deeper issue that need to be addressed.

Thanks for the feedback. Positive energy does not hurt.

Anonymous said...

Dear Dream- how is it that we see women who are not attractive with no standards having men...and attractive women who have standards....are single? I dont get it.

singleforareasonterri

Dream said...

Anon in reference to this question: what if this person tries to come back after he establishes himself, and realizes he did not give you the fair chance to like or love him in they way he deserved. Do you take that chance?

This is a tough one. Do you trust someone who left you once not to do it again? I don't know. I think it would really depend on how you feel when he reappears. Do you still love him? Is it worth the risk? Another one of those moments when you have to go with your heart.

Dream said...

Nailaa, before you can the things you desire, you have to believe that you deserve them.
Ofcourse that man was attracted to you in your sweatsuit, because you are attractive. Stop fighting the notion!

Dream said...

singleforareasonterri
In reference to your question: how is it that we see women who are not attractive with no standards having men...and attractive women who have standards....are single?

I've thought about this as well singleforareason, particularly when I see women with disgusting attitudes in long term relationships. The thing you must remember is that every relationship is not a good or healthy relationship. Perhaps that woman accepts crap that you never would. If her standards are low she may be open to being abused (mentally, physically), disrespected, and used.

I am not going to touch on her being unattractive because every one is attractive to someone.

I guess it all boils down to what you're willing to accept into your life. If you didn't set standards for yourself wouldn't it be easier to have a man. He probably wouldn't be the best man but a man nonetheless.

Continue to be the woman who sets standards as opposed to the one who settles and you'll get your best man, not just some man.

Nailaa555 said...

Beautiful diaster-Thanks for checking me out! But I can't view your posts. I am not the post tech savvy so help me out?