Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother's Day, Smother's Day!

This Mother's Day was a particularly hard one for me.  Why you might ask?  Perhaps it's because I am a 30 somethin year old woman, who desperately wants to be a mom, but has absolutely no prospect of becoming one.  Not enough of a reason for you?  Well, it managed to royally screw up my day.

Upon awakening I felt this heaviness.  I couldn't put my finger on the feeling or where it was coming from.  But it was strong enough to make me weep.  As I cried I pondered why I could suddenly be so sad.  I decided to go out to grab some breakfast and was subsequently bombarded with the salutation "Happy Mother's Day" again and again.  Instead of explaining that I had no children and no prospect of having them any time soon, I sucked it up and said "Thank You".  That's when it became clear that I was mourning my lack of fulfillment in that area.  The area of love, marriage, and children.  I so desperately want to be celebrated as a mother, yet, I am praised for being the independent woman, who has obtained degrees and a comfortable life for herself.

Oh yes, I like being able to take care of myself.  But honestly, I'm over it!  WHERE IS HE?  My Knight need not be adorned in shining armor.  I'll take him in blue jeans, dockers, or even sweats if he is the one ordained by God.  I can not get this party started until he shows up.  The Wife & Mommy party that is.

So, I cried most of the day and decided to experience the feelings full on, without fighting them.  I then proceeded to overeat and watch Interview with a Vampire.  The day ended peacefully.  Though I have no boyfriend, no prospect of a boyfriend, husband, or children.  I slept well and dreamt of making love.  And I awoke encouraged and hopeful that he is on his way.

Not-so-patiently waiting for his LOVE...

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