Monday, May 23, 2011

He's Not Your Husband, He's Just a Time-Filler.......

I felt it coming on.  This feeling I get about every six months.  This longing to be touched and complimented by a nice young man.  A sister can't go without the presence of masculine energy forever.  And forever is exactly what six months feels like for a celibate woman at her sexual peak.  As I walked down the street with my girlfriend I turned to her and exclaimed, "I feel it coming girl.  When I get lonely I tend to mess with dudes I have no business messing with (i.e. losers, liars, womanizers)."  Guys that wouldn't normally stand a chance become contenders in the race for my affections.  At the age of 30-something I should know better right?  Well, at least now I see the pattern emerging before it happens.  The statement I made to my friend was prophetic because shortly thereafter I was caught up in a whirlwind of emotion with a man who is definitely not my match.
Ladies we've all done it!  Remember that time you were in between boyfriends, horny & bored to death, and you ended up messing with you know who? Or that time your best guy friend and you got too close in the middle of the night?  Yeah I've been there and done that. And boy what a mistake it was each time.  But we have no time for regrets or pity parties. 
The bottom line is there are sooooo many single women who want to be in relationships but are somehow missing the mark.  As a result desperation and loneliness set in causing them to lower their standards significantly.  Ladies, these men I speak of are Time Fillers.  Some call them frogs.  They are simply here to keep you company, kiss and compliment you until the man of dreams hits the scene.  Then the Time-Fillers will be just a distant memory.  So when you think of your time filler and begin to feel like a moron for even entertaining him, get over it!  Your man is coming girl and so is mine :-)

Monday, May 16, 2011

If l Never Get Married, I Can Accept That........

"I've gotten to the point where I accept the possibility of never getting married or having children."  This wasn't the first time I'd heard this declaration from a friend.  Hell, about a year ago I shared this sentiment.  Dating had become monotonous and my relationships with men were riddled with disappointment.  This disappointment can eventually lead one to abandon her/his hopes of meeting & marrying "the one".

I hated that my friend felt this way.  But I couldn't blame her.  Remaining hopeful in the face of consistent disappointment can definitely be a challenge.   

The Dating Game looks a lil like this:
-Meet a Man
-Get to Know Him
-Enjoy being Courted or not so much
-Sense Potential for a Relationship
-Like the Guy
-& then BOOM, a disagreement, his "fear" of commitment or him not being "ready", lack of compatibility, or issues such as anger or insecurity begin to rear their ugly heads, (oh he may also be married, have 5 children by 6 different baby mothers, or have an STD)
-It ends & then it's time to do it all over again

After experiencing this OVER and OVER again you may begin to feel as if giving up is the only answer.  I've had the displeasure of repeating this cycle many times and as a result have uttered the same words as my friend.

Though frustrating, what I now know is that all of those experiences enabled me to gain a better understanding of myself and what I NEED from my husband.  It has also provided much clarity as to what I will NOT tolerate from a man. 

After that statement left my friends mouth, I said "No, I won't accept that.  I will have a healthy and fulfilling marriage and children."  I banged my fist on the table (for emphasis of course) and declared "I have to have it, there's no other way".

I am sure that there are people on this earth that can be completely content without a life partner, but I do not happen to be one of those people.  That God-given yearning for companionship remains within me.
The man my creator put here specifically for me is being readied & strengthened for our relationship, as am I.  I have to believe this and will continue to declare it.

I am still not-so-patiently waiting for his love.............

Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother's Day, Smother's Day!

This Mother's Day was a particularly hard one for me.  Why you might ask?  Perhaps it's because I am a 30 somethin year old woman, who desperately wants to be a mom, but has absolutely no prospect of becoming one.  Not enough of a reason for you?  Well, it managed to royally screw up my day.

Upon awakening I felt this heaviness.  I couldn't put my finger on the feeling or where it was coming from.  But it was strong enough to make me weep.  As I cried I pondered why I could suddenly be so sad.  I decided to go out to grab some breakfast and was subsequently bombarded with the salutation "Happy Mother's Day" again and again.  Instead of explaining that I had no children and no prospect of having them any time soon, I sucked it up and said "Thank You".  That's when it became clear that I was mourning my lack of fulfillment in that area.  The area of love, marriage, and children.  I so desperately want to be celebrated as a mother, yet, I am praised for being the independent woman, who has obtained degrees and a comfortable life for herself.

Oh yes, I like being able to take care of myself.  But honestly, I'm over it!  WHERE IS HE?  My Knight need not be adorned in shining armor.  I'll take him in blue jeans, dockers, or even sweats if he is the one ordained by God.  I can not get this party started until he shows up.  The Wife & Mommy party that is.

So, I cried most of the day and decided to experience the feelings full on, without fighting them.  I then proceeded to overeat and watch Interview with a Vampire.  The day ended peacefully.  Though I have no boyfriend, no prospect of a boyfriend, husband, or children.  I slept well and dreamt of making love.  And I awoke encouraged and hopeful that he is on his way.

Not-so-patiently waiting for his LOVE...