Holidays as special as they are can often exacerbate feelings of loneliness. How often between now and Christmas will we turn on the television and see commercials about a man getting his woman a gift from Zales or Lexus. How often will we see advertisements suggesting that we should purchase the new Elmo toy for our son's and daughter's?
In spite of what the media portrays there are scores of single women who will be celebrating & enjoying this holiday season without spouses or children.
Honestly I am a bit disappointed that I will be spending yet another holiday without him. But what am I to do; sit at home and sulk? That won't be happening. I will enjoy this Christmas season surrounded by love and God's blessings.
I know there is someone reading this who is upset that another year has passed and he/she is still single. I know that you are feeling hopeless and frustrated that God hasn't changed your situation. Embrace those feelings but also remain faithful that the Creator of the Universe is determined to give you the desires of your heart. It's not easy but we can get through it together :-)
Don't despair, Don't lose hope...Your man is closer than you think!
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Thanksgiving provides us with an opportunity to acknowledge those things that we are grateful for. I would like to take this moment to let each and every one of you, my readers, know just how much I appreciate you. I can write and create videos until I'm blue in the face but without you it would be a waste. I pray this blog is as encouraging to you as it is to me.
Thank You For Taking This Journey With Me & Have a Happy Holiday!
In the final installment of the Confidently Single Series I am calling on my readers to consider the question "What Fairytale Notions Are You Holding Onto?"
As children we were overwhelmed with images of women being rescued by Prince Charming. Perhaps these fairytales have had an effect on our perceptions and expectations of men. Check out the video and let me know what you think.
This weeks RT was sparked by a discussion on the Not-so-Patiently Waiting... Facebook Page. One of the members is practicing Abstinence and was asking for tips/encouraging stories on how to stay strong. Most members noted that keeping busy and prayer were the keys to staying Abstinent. The only words of encouragement I had for her were "God Speed & Good Luck".
For the past year and 3 months I have abstained from sex and it has been one of the toughest experiences of my life. Abstinence is nothing new to me. I practiced it in College as well. One would think that I would've gotten used to it by now. But I haven't. Actually, it sucks!
Growing up in church I was taught that it is wrong to have premarital sex. One of the scriptures used to justify this is "But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." 1 Corinthians 7:9
The scripture makes perfect sense right? If I lack self-control in that area I should get married. But then the question becomes whom should I marry. Should I have married one of the men who loved me but weren't a good fit for me? Should I marry one of the guys standing on the corner outside my building? I'm told it is better to marry then to burn with passion. Oh if it were that simple.
Father I want to do those things that are pleasing to you. If it pleases you that I be married instead of burning with passion (because I'm hot enough to MELT) please send my husband. I need him. Thank You & Amen!
Remember Dolls Your Man is Closer Than You Think... :-)
I listened quietly as my then boyfriend declared once again "I'm not good enough for you. You're a beautiful woman who has everything going for you and I...". He went on to finish this statement with a list of shortcomings related to his looks, financial standing, etc. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't convince this man that he was good enough for me. Eventually, I realized that he wasn't.
If a guy tells you he's not good enough for you, believe him. He's probably telling the truth.
Ladies, Your Man is Closer Than You Think!
Please scroll down to the bottom of this page to join (follow) this site & to continue the conversation join the Not-so-Patiently Waiting... Facebook Page.
Installment three of the CS series discusses the importance of letting go of baggage from past relationships. Take a look at the video below and feel free to comment on any baggage you may have struggled with.
I've decided that in between longer posts I will share random thoughts that I have during the week.
Today's Random Thought is: Are you choosing Short-Term or Long-Term Men? So often we rush into relationships without considering the implications of our choices. I believe that if we take time to really get to know a man there will be tell-tell signs as to whether he's in it for the long haul or looking for a short lived love affair.
*Some men are looking for the next thing as opposed to a lifetime thing! I'm a lifetime chick, how about you?
Recently, I was forced to take stock of exactly what it is I want in a relationship. I had been seeing a young man for some time and needed to decide whether I was "In" or "Out". Simply put was I going to make him my man or continue dating?
My age and dating experience have provided me with a crystal clear picture of what I need from my man. His love has to be intense and somewhat overbearing. I say this because I want to know with every fiber of my being that this man truly loves me. He must be attentive and willing to sacrifice for me. I ask this simply because I would be willing to do it for him. He has to be emotionally mature and responsible when it comes to his affairs, among other things.
Being Confidently Single means you unequivocally know what you need from a relationship and will not settle for anything less than that.
The things I listed above are what I need from a relationship. But do you know what you need? Perhaps you don't need someone who loves you as intensely as I would like. That's fine! Yet, you must figure it out in order to secure it.
If you are a bit uncertain about what it is you need to be fulfilled (in love) a good place to start is discovering your Love Language. Actually this is a good tool for anyone who wants to be in a happy & healthy union.
Today marks the beginning of the Confidently Single Series. In order to have the healthy, loving, and committed relationships we want, we must become our best selves. So often females look outside of themselves for causes of relationship deterioration. Yes some men cheat, lie, and are downright dirty. But I truly believe in order to break the cycle you must look within. Hence, the Confidently Single series. This series will provide you with the tools needed to secure the relationship you've always desired.
When a woman is Confidently Single she's:
Has Minimal Insecurities
Puts Herself First
The bottom line is when a woman is CS she becomes more attractive to men, particularly good men! The first installment will be up in the next few days, please keep an eye out for it. And remember your man is closer than you think!
For as long as I can remember I have been the girl that other girls come to for advice, particularly when it concerns dating and relationships. Why is this? Simply because I offer non-sugar coated truth, encouragement, prayer, and am well versed in parting ways with anything that does not add VALUE to my life, including men.
Today I open up this blog to my readers. You will be the authors. Please pose questions (in the Comments section) related to dating/relationships and I will offer honest and supportive advice. Feel free to post as anonymous to protect your privacy.
So often men and women settle for spouses that are no good for them. We know that every relationship takes work; but if you are the only one working something is wrong. If you allow your spouse to talk down to you, hit you, cheat on and/or manipulate you, you are settling!
This week I've created a Cosmo-style quiz which you can take to determine whether you are a Not-so-Patiently Waiting Girl, a Borderline Babe, or the Settler Chick. Let's get started and remember to be as honest as possible.
Are You a Settler???
1. The guy you're seeing flirts shamelessly with other women all the time...
a) You ignore it & chalk it up to boys being boys
b) You say to him in a playful way "Have you always been so flirty?"
c) You shut him down and tell him that if he continues flirting with other women in your presence, he will no longer be blessed with your presence
2. After a looonnngg period of being single you meet a guy who is not your type physically or mentally (He's inconsistent & inattentive)...
a) You get to know him hoping he will grow on you
b) Go out with him despite his shortcomings because you're bored
c) Pass on the opportunity because you're more than sure he's not the one
3. Your boo, the guy you're sooo into tells you that although you've been seeing each other (with benefits) for 4 months he's not ready for a relationship...
a) He's so fine that you continue seeing him in hopes that things will eventually work out
b) You move on knowing that there are plenty of men willing to be more than just your friend
c) You remain a jumpoff/friend and proceed to show him what a great wifey you can be by cooking, cleaning, and sexing him just right
4. The man you call your boyfriend/babyfather/husband, whom you love with all your heart has been caught cheating on you, again...
a) You cry, scream, curse, and eventually forgive him because he promises not to do it again
b) You decide to get back at him by having a fling of your own
c) You remind him of how it feels not to have a good woman and leave his sorry behind
5. Your boyfriend of 2 years says he's bored and wants an open relationship...
a) You laugh in his face & tell him to kick rocks, you have too much going for yourself to share a man
b) You tell him you'll think about it, hoping he will forget the idea altogether
c) You go along with it because you love him & don't want to lose him
See Below to Tally Your Score & Read Your Results!
1. a-0, b-1, c-2
2. a-0, b-1, c-2
3. a-1, b-2, c-0
4. a-0, b-0, c-2
5. a-2, b-1, c-0
Not-so-Patiently Waiting Girl (7-10 points)
You have evolved past the point of settling for a man, even if you love him. You know your worth and refuse to tolerate disrespect of any kind. No man can belittle you, lie to you, or cheat on you without consequences. Keeping a man is not more important than keeping yourself.
Borderline Babe (4-6 points)
You are aware of your tendency to settle and usually do so because you are bored, lonely, or need a boost of self confidence. You have not yet crossed the line into being the Settler Chick but can slip any moment if you stop reading this blog :-) You know you deserve the best when it comes to dating & relationships and now you must do the work necessary to get it.
The Settler Chick (0-3 points)
I think most of us have been here at some point. You take whatever a man throws at you. He can belittle you, cheat on you, and use you for sex among other things. You allow him to deposit all types of filth into your life because you think loving him is more important than loving yourself. Let these losers go and become the priceless woman God created you to be. (Feel free to contact me for support, sometimes letting go of a man is like getting drugs out of your system, prepare for withdrawal) If no one has ever told you this before I will, YOU DESERVE BETTER!
I will discuss my score in the comments section. Please do so yourself if you feel comfortable sharing. & to continue the discussion join my Not-so-Patiently Waiting facebook page at:
So I'm thinking about instituting a new procedure of sorts when it comes to dating & relationships. It is my contention that Dating is for SUCKERS. And honestly I'm tired of being a sucker! At 31 the idea of dating guy after guy is extremely unappealing. Yet, I know it's necessary to kiss a lot of frogs in order to get to my prince. (Side note, one of my frogs reminded me of that recently.)
Instead of dating frog after frog I would like to be courted for marriage. Courting for marriage is when two people come together with the sole purpose of getting to know one another to determine if they are suited for marriage. They spend time together and go on dates but the difference is there is a mutual understanding that the end goal is marriage. Of course this can only take place between two mature individuals. And it will not always result in happily ever after. Especially since one or both of you may stumble upon the fact that you don't really like each other. However, I think starting out with the end goal in mind is not only helpful but may lead to greater success.
You can't continue doing the same things and expect different results. Dating hasn't worked for me so it's time to take a different approach. Wish me luck!!!!